Thoughts about pain...

There hasn't been a day since about mid-October in which I haven't had intense sinus pain. Yesterday, I saw myself in the mirror and I was so pale my lips were white. My nose, teeth, cheeks, forehead, and skull all have this crushing pain that makes my thighs feel weak and shaky. As an added bonus, I get waves of nausea that sometime even come in my sleep. I had been rationing my Lortab because I don't want to use too much but my doctor told me to knock that shit off and start taking them at least twice a day. Frankly, I don't even know if that is helping get a handle on it. It makes it so I can function. I haven't called in sick in months. I just put my head down, grit my teeth and go on. Mike worries about me, but I always tell him that pain never killed anyone (makes you want to die but doesn't kill you). Yesterday, I thought maybe hiding in the closet would be good but the pain would just follow me in if I did that. Isn't it odd that severe pain makes you want to hide? Like that would really help. The psyche is an odd thing.

This morning the pain wasn't too bad yet and I hadn't been to the gym since October so I figured what the hell and gave it a shot. I took a preemptive Lortab and headed for water aerobics. I made it through about 45 minutes of the class before the urge to throw up made me get out of the pool. I'm quite proud of myself and my muscles feel great! Plus I love being the smallest one in the pool!