Nursing

I will always be a nurse no matter how far from the bedside I get. I am cutting and pasting an email I received from a friend.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A NURSE IF.......
Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work!
You know you're a nurse if... You would like to meet the inventor of the call light some night in a dark alley.
You can identify different types of diarrhea by the smell.
You find nothing unusual about eating popcorn from a new bedpan.
You think there ought to be a valium salt lick in the ER waiting room, and a Xanax aerosol for visiting hours.
You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone at another table "sick".
You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your coworker and to holler if they need help.
You work when you're so sick you can hardly hold up your head so you can call in sick on the day you need for recreation, since you know you'll never get it by asking!
Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank and you learn to store food and water like a camel.
You find that when your friends in non-medical lines of work (should you have any) ask about your day that they never knew that the glamour of a nursing career included people throwing up on you and catheter bags leaking down your leg.
You find yourself checking out other customer's veins in grocery waiting lines.
You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they will drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.
You've become a human lie detector, asking yet one more person with nicotine-stained fingers if they are sure they don't smoke more than "a couple cigarettes a day."
Your finger has gone places you never thought possible.
You pretend to specialize in obstetrical nursing when someone just introduced to you on your big night out finds you're a nurse and starts asking if you think they are on the right medical regime for their condition (unless she's pregnant, of course!).
You have seen more penises than any prostitute.

I confess I have checked out strangers veins and avoided unhealthy gamblers in the casinos at Wendover because I know we get a lot of heart attacks from there. And yes, I have seen more penises than any prostitute. I've always wondered why men think a penis is something women would like to look at; when combined with a set of baggy balls, it's kind of unattractive.