Vacation

I have been on vacation since December 24th and haven't gotten anything I planned completed. I wanted to clean out our office, clean out the pantry, the refrigerator. What exactly is frig and why would one re-frigerate something. Was it already frigged? Anyway, I spent the first three days in a painful fog, but I have been doing a little extra housework each day since then. Yesterday, I spent four hours playing Zelda on the Wii (I always did love that game). I am almost 47 years old, still playing video games; it's supposed to keep my brain young I think. The vacation officially lasts until next Wednesday but after today, there will be no more housework catch-up. We are leaving tomorrow to visit grandpa. I can't wait. He is the cutest little old guy who has personally seen so much history. I want to get a picture of him this visit to put in my new picture frame.

Christmas

For the first time in years, I was able to buy my boys a toy and it was also a surprise! At their ages, 17 and 22, it is easier to ask them what they want and go buy it. But this year, we had some extra money and I bought a Wii. It was fun to watch the concentration on their faces as they played. Last night, Mike and I got a chuckle out of hearing their laughter coming from the living room. Anything that keeps them bonding as brothers is alright by me. I am grateful that they have turned into such fine young men. Jeffrey has taken to shoveling the walk without my asking. I still think he's been replaced by an alien but I like this new child.

I got lots of new clothes for work, including two suede jackets. I am slowly building up a work wardrobe now that I am wearing girl clothes instead of scrubs. I also got a beautiful pair of diamond and blue topaz earrings. Oh, and an computerized picture frame for all of my pictures. I sort of begged for that one. I need to decorate my cubicle at work.

Mikey got computer parts (video card), a folding recliner for camping, awning lights, and two books. I happened to be walking past our cafeteria and they were holding an author signing of the Train to Polevka. Who knew the author was from Utah. So Mikey got an autographed copy.

All in all, it was a great Christmas.

The Analytical Mind

There have been a series of storms this week which means I have spent more time than I like in bed with either an ice bag on my head or heat; whichever seems to feel best at the time. I tried to take fewer meds this morning so I could finish my paper which was a mistake. After being slammed upside the head with the Full Monty of Pain (tremors, weakness, nausea, bone pain), I was lying in bed analyzing the symptoms. Some of the thoughts going through my head, "how can I feel so weak while laying flat on my back?" "I wonder how I can feel internally shaky but not be moving" "Maybe the bones in my face will eventually just fall away from whatever is causing this". OK, there were drugs involved. I'm pretty sure my face isn't going to fall away. But sometimes I wonder if there isn't something wrong that we can't find like a bone infection in my face. Nothing should hurt this bad this often without some kind of Xray evidence, right? Wrong.

Naughty Dreams

On the off chance that you are reading this blog (Mom or Dad), turn back now. I mean it. Don't go any further.

This morning, I woke up feverish which is not unusual for me (see any posts related to my health). But, it explains why I have felt like I've been hit with a sleepy stick the last two days. I made it an entire hour before I needed any pain pills so I took a Lortab without my usual morning Phenergan chaser (nausea with pain, oh joy). I could not understand why taking less drugs than usual and I was feeling drugged and sleepy. Then around noon, the pain hit me with full nauseating-just-kill-me-now force. So, I took a quarter of Phenergan and went to bed with an ice bag on my face. I slept for three hours; Mike would say that means I needed it. I would say that means I will not get anything done today on my first vacation day. I don't like sleeping on drugs because it makes my dreams busy. Many times, I am being chased in my dreams but on special days I am doing the chasing. I was chasing the big O. Obviously I am in need of a good orgasm. I was dreaming about erect phalluses of all shapes and sizes both human and electronic. I chased and sometimes was able to enjoy penises for three hours. Apparently, I need to get laid. Lucky Mike!

Avoiding Assigned Reading

I am supposed to be reading this week's assignments and I have read a paragraph. I should get points for that. Then I logged in to blogger and read the blogs of note, went to the Daily Coyote to see how that beautiful animal in Wyoming is doing. Lets see, paid the bills, answered work emails and now I'm writing in this blog. What can I say; I'm a stellar nose-to-the-grindstone kind of student.

Double take

I swear I saw Little Richard crossing the street in the pouring rain carrying a bottle of wiper fluid. I was sitting at a stoplight when a man dressed in a black suit with the collar turned up walked across the street carrying a bottle of windshield washer fluid. He looked just like Little Richard. Things that make you go hmmmmm.....

Woof!

I am working on my paper while listening to a Christmas music playlist on Rhapsody. Il Divo just came up and my first thought was, "woof!". Lord have mercy, those men are hot! Now Josh Groban has a very hot voice but going "woof" at him seems like child molestation. I could very easily molest some of those Il Divo guys though. I wouldn't be to rough on them, I swear it. OK, ok, back to work....

Well this isn't working...

I tried to go to work today when I was already in pain. I had taken a Lortab and was starting to feel better when I left, but the activity of just walking into the building made it so much worse that by the time I made it to my meeting, all I wanted to do was lie down. I called Mike and had him come get me. Every bump in the road on the way home resonated in my skull. I slept for a few hours and felt better (pain not gone though, its never really gone just resting). It is starting to come back again now and I just don't think I want to try and handle that again twice in one day. If this does not improve, I will run out of Lortabs before I can refill the prescription though.

I am trying to write a paper that was due last night. I'd like to say that I am not getting anywhere because of the pain, but it is really because I am a world-class procrastinator. If they ever give gold medals in putting things off, I will be in strong contention. Three classes in and I am hating this going back to school thing. But I have already spent the money, I am getting the damn degree if I have to kill for it.

Thoughts about pain...

There hasn't been a day since about mid-October in which I haven't had intense sinus pain. Yesterday, I saw myself in the mirror and I was so pale my lips were white. My nose, teeth, cheeks, forehead, and skull all have this crushing pain that makes my thighs feel weak and shaky. As an added bonus, I get waves of nausea that sometime even come in my sleep. I had been rationing my Lortab because I don't want to use too much but my doctor told me to knock that shit off and start taking them at least twice a day. Frankly, I don't even know if that is helping get a handle on it. It makes it so I can function. I haven't called in sick in months. I just put my head down, grit my teeth and go on. Mike worries about me, but I always tell him that pain never killed anyone (makes you want to die but doesn't kill you). Yesterday, I thought maybe hiding in the closet would be good but the pain would just follow me in if I did that. Isn't it odd that severe pain makes you want to hide? Like that would really help. The psyche is an odd thing.

This morning the pain wasn't too bad yet and I hadn't been to the gym since October so I figured what the hell and gave it a shot. I took a preemptive Lortab and headed for water aerobics. I made it through about 45 minutes of the class before the urge to throw up made me get out of the pool. I'm quite proud of myself and my muscles feel great! Plus I love being the smallest one in the pool!

Joint Commission

My new job heavily involves being ready to pass accreditation of various approval bodies. The major one is The Joint Commission which used to be called JCAHO. I am recovering from their visit last week. I spent most of my days shadowing one of the surveyors and writing down my observations and whatever questions he asked so we may make sure we cover everything in which they are focusing. I would come in every morning by 0700 and leave around 5-6 P.M. From the inside, we thought we would not pass because we know what issues which still need work. The surveyors from the outside were so overwhelmingly impressed with the fine institution I have called home since 1989, that they did not really ask the hard questions we ask of ourselves. They called us a "first class academic institution which clearly cares about patient safety". I have always been very proud of where I work and what I do, but I was doubly proud to hear how great we are from outside inspectors.

Perception

Yesterday, I was in Office Depot trying to decide upon a new printer when a woman went past me in the aisle and commented that "your purse is bigger than you are". Now this is not a very big purse and it is one I love and spent more than I have ever spent on a purse for. So, I very naturally took it as a compliment to my size. I decided she was saying that I was small. So I thanked her. Her response, "uh huh".

Life update

I've started back to school. I got my Bachelor's degree in nursing at University of Phoenix online. It was a lot of work, writing a lot of papers. My writing skills certainly improved, but I write like an academic which can be less than entertaining. Anyway, I decided to go for my Masters in Healthcare Administration. Oddly enough, the writing skills of the people in my classes are not as good as the ones at the bachelors level. In fact, some of the drive me crazy with poor word usage but I think I see improvement as the classes go by. Anyway, that is why I haven't been blogging. I've just been too busy.
I also changed jobs. I am still at the University Health Care System but now I work in Quality and Patient Safety. I have a lot to learn. I am also trying to get used to working five day weeks. Two days off isn't nearly enough!
Mike and I are in a campground in Wendover. We decided to take a few days off. I need to rest and gamble. I have also had about a month of intense, nauseating sinus pain. I guess I couldn't possible too stressed; I started a new job, going back to school, and intense daily pain.

British Television

I've gotten hooked on BBC America. Mike and I love Dr. Who and Torchwood. This summer's Jekyll had us on the edge of the couch. For some odd reason, I love to watch How Clean is Your House and You Are What You Eat. Sometimes I can't understand a word people say, but I love their attitude. British housecleaning and nutrition shows seem to be working, however. My house is the cleanest its been in years and I am cooking healthy most nights. Although I am not going to do that seriously vegie filled crap Jillian the nutrition-Nazi make people eat!

Hot for teacher

I suck at this blogging thing. I get lazy and don't write. Although I guess I have a pretty good excuse. I am back in school and writing my ass off. I got 100% on my first paper. My teacher wrote, "Outstanding conceptualization, content, structure, flow and scholarship". At my age you would think I wouldn't get excited by comments like that but I had to show Mike how wonderful my teacher thinks I am. ;-)

I am starting my new job next Monday. I have been hired as a Quality Improvement Specialist for medication management and oncology. It looks like a lot of work and a lot of fun. There is a lot of geeky numbers, spreadsheets, and graphs. It may just be the job I didn't know I was looking for.

Shoot-out at the campground

Yesterday we were in town when we heard sirens and saw an unmarked police car racing out of town. It's the first time I've heard sirens since we left Salt Lake City. We thought it odd but continued on our way. Then another police car passed and took the turn off south of town; exactly where we were headed. Hmmmm, something is going on. We continued south toward our campground and passed an ambulance parked on the side of the road as if waiting for a call. To get into our campground there is a short dirt road and a bridge over the Blanco River. We get to the bridge and it is blocked by a Sheriff. Apparently they were serving a warrant on one of the campers in the tent section for a hit and run. The man took a shot at the officer. As we sat about 200 yards away from the area where the "suspect was at large", more and more State Troopers arrived. Mike and I had our books so started to read while we waited. Suddenly a shot rang out loud as a cannon. It echoed off the mountains. We heard the officers call for the ambulance, but the ambulance only stayed briefly and left without a passenger. They finally let us back into the campground. Our trailer is about 100 yards from the tent area where the man was killed. He had a big beautiful, obedient German Shepard that was led away by animal control. He seemed like such a nice dog. I hope they find him a good home.

Our version of roughing it

Mike and I are on vacation at a campground in Pagosa Springs, Colorado. It is beautiful with mountains on three sides and a river right behind the trailer. There is no cell phone coverage, no TV coverage, no radio except a flamingly twangy country station, but by cracky we've got internet! I needed to have internet because I've stupidly decided to go back to school. I will call this stupid until I get the degree, then I will decide it is the smartest thing I've ever done.

Mike and I went to the Fred Harmon art museum today. Fred Harmon was the cartoonist that drew the Red Rider and Little Beaver series.....Robert Blake played Little Beaver on TV. The guy was a good artist but I have to say with 21st century sensibilities it was quite racist; making the indians look kind of dumb. But those were the times. Mike loved every minute of it! He got to see an orginal Little Beaver BB gun! I had to pretend my knees were sore to get him out of there. Oh wait my knees are sore from climbing up and down cliff dwellings in Mesa Verde.

Well crap!

I guess I won't marry the maker of that drug after all. Today sucked. The pain was pretty bad. I was shaky and slightly nuts but no nausea. The barometric pressure was 30.09. When it gets high, I get pain. I still think this drug is mostly helping. Nothing is perfect.

So now here I sit trying to write my first graduate school paper; high on Lortab. What the hell, I'm pretty articulate even on Lortab.

Vindified

I am always getting my words mixed up. I think my brain goes faster than my tongue. That's my theory anyway. My son's favorite was when I said we needed to buy a "show snovel" (you figure it out).

I may have to marry the person who invented Lyrica. Lyrica is the new drug I started last week. It is for nerve pain. It is a miracle. I am not without pain. My goal isn't that high. I am just not psychotically in pain or sitting at my desk with an ice bag on my head. My usage of pain pills has gone down by 2/3. I did not know it was nerve pain. I just knew it really fucking hurt. Hell, no wonder it was so bad. Nerve pain can be a bitch. I now have proof that it wasn't all in my head, that my pain is real. I told my husband the other day that I feel vindified (vindicated + justified).

Pain as a living thing

The last two weeks, the pain has been immense, amazing, paralyzing, fucking awful. My nose, teeth, cheeks, and skull hurt so bad that my thighs shake, my heart pounds, I sweat, want to throw up something awful, and feel like running away (like that will help, it will just follow me) or at least laying down under my desk. When it happens at work, the level of panic and things that go running through my head such as how the hell would I make it home even if I could get someone to come to cover for me. I think of calling Mike and having him come get me, but in the end I take a Lortab and maybe a sliver of Phenergan for the nausea and sit at my desk with an ice bag on my head until I can function again.

I'm in the middle of six days off. I saw my doctor on Thursday. She have me a new drug that is sometimes used for nerve pain. I'm supposed to take it three times a day. The first time I took it, I was dizzy and kind of loopy. I want to give the drug a good shot because I cannot work like this but I must work. The drug is called Lyrica. Isn't that a happy name? It sounds lovely. It doesn't make me loopy any more but when I go to bed at night I'm down for 12 hours. I'd rather not sleep for 12 hours so I hope that side effect goes away.

So I'm trying this medication on my mini-vacation. I wanted to shampoo the carpets and wash the dogs. But I'm doing school work (such a good student), laying down...washing dishes....laying down....vacuuming my bedroom....laying down. I am going to clean this frigging (frig just for you Mom) house this week. We are going on vacation in two weeks and I want the house clean first.

Learning to be a lady

Mike and I have been married five years now. Mike is an old-fashioned Texas boy who believes in opening doors for ladies and treating me like someone special. We have a standing joke because I just have not got this waiting for him to open the door thing down. It's complicated. You have to stand in the right place so he can get to the door. We're always running into each other because I was never treated like a lady in my first marriage, so I don't know how to act. The other day, I was watching The Bird Cage when I had an epiphany. Robin Williams and Nathan Lane were walking into a building when without thought or planning, Robin opened the door for Nathan who was standing exactly on the correct side of the door. Eureka! I got it. All it took for me to know how to be treated like a lady was to watch a movie featuring two gay characters.

Nursing

I will always be a nurse no matter how far from the bedside I get. I am cutting and pasting an email I received from a friend.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A NURSE IF.......
Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work!
You know you're a nurse if... You would like to meet the inventor of the call light some night in a dark alley.
You can identify different types of diarrhea by the smell.
You find nothing unusual about eating popcorn from a new bedpan.
You think there ought to be a valium salt lick in the ER waiting room, and a Xanax aerosol for visiting hours.
You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone at another table "sick".
You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your coworker and to holler if they need help.
You work when you're so sick you can hardly hold up your head so you can call in sick on the day you need for recreation, since you know you'll never get it by asking!
Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank and you learn to store food and water like a camel.
You find that when your friends in non-medical lines of work (should you have any) ask about your day that they never knew that the glamour of a nursing career included people throwing up on you and catheter bags leaking down your leg.
You find yourself checking out other customer's veins in grocery waiting lines.
You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they will drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.
You've become a human lie detector, asking yet one more person with nicotine-stained fingers if they are sure they don't smoke more than "a couple cigarettes a day."
Your finger has gone places you never thought possible.
You pretend to specialize in obstetrical nursing when someone just introduced to you on your big night out finds you're a nurse and starts asking if you think they are on the right medical regime for their condition (unless she's pregnant, of course!).
You have seen more penises than any prostitute.

I confess I have checked out strangers veins and avoided unhealthy gamblers in the casinos at Wendover because I know we get a lot of heart attacks from there. And yes, I have seen more penises than any prostitute. I've always wondered why men think a penis is something women would like to look at; when combined with a set of baggy balls, it's kind of unattractive.

Water Aerobics

This blog is starting to turn into my exercise, weigh loss journal. There hasn't been a helluva lot of weigh loss lately but I keep plugging along. I know it is because I am too lazy to cook a lot of the time and because I like those snickerdoodles at Starbucks. Anyhow, I was lying in bed this morning thinking I'll exercise later but I knew I wouldn't do it unless I got up right then. So, I made it to water aerobics. To anyone who thinks water aerobics is for wimps, you're kind of correct in that it is better on the joints and doesn't overheat you but it is definitely exercise. I've found it is something I can do even if I have a sinus headache because the cool water feels good on my head.

Who needs the gym?

Who needs the gym when I can run my ass off at work? I had to work an extra shift this week because one of the other supervisors was on vacation. We were flat out busy as hell with all sorts of craziness going on in multiple areas. Some of those hallways can be pretty long and I was speed-walking all day yesterday through those hallways. I can't count every day at work as aerobic exercise but I'm sure as hell counting yesterday as exercise.

Water Aerobics

I made it to the gym today. When I first started going, I discovered that I enjoyed water aerobics but my carpal tunnels became inflamed from using the barbells so I stopped for a while. I like water aerobics; I'm the least obese in the class. I don't get as overheated in the pool. But being only 5'1" I have to be careful not to bounce my way into water over my head and get water up my nose...very unattractive. Helga, the German aerobics instructor, is quite a taskmistress (and not in a good sort of whips and chains way). I can't understand a damn word she says because her accent is so thick. OK, her name isn't Helga but I since can't understand her I made up a name. I don't much care for changing clothes in the locker room. I've always been kind of shy about that but will do it if I have to. I know, I know, guys romanticize about women's locker rooms but it's not like Porky's (remember Kim Cattrall). Most of the women in there are pretty average or fat and flabby. I like that in a gym; I don't have to set my goals too high.

What a Girl Won't Do to Avoid Exercise

I was going to go to the gym today. Honest, I was. I was getting ready to take a shower so Mike and I could go play at Ikea when I was suddenly hit with that really bad psycho sinus pain that makes me nauseated, panicky, and makes my legs shaky. I haven't had that since May so I thought maybe I wasn't going to be blessed with that kind of pain anymore. At least I wasn't at work this time and could go to bed with an ice bag on my head and a Lortab in my stomach. God I was nauseated. I laid there rubbing my feet together until I fell asleep. I've always done that; rubbed my feet together as a kind of self-hypnosis when I'm in pain. The nurse in me always tries to diagnose what the hell just happened but its impossible. I do know that I get pain with big barometric pressure changes and there is storm coming. Thank heaven the pain is better now and what the hell, it got me out of going to the gym. I tried going once when I was having mild to moderate sinus pain but I got so nauseated that I've decided that idea sucks worse than exercise.

One day at the gym down two to go...

I am constantly looking for an excuse not to go to the gym. Yesterday, I didn't go because it was my first of four days off and I decided I was allowed to rest. In my defense, I have a mild sinus infection and had been working with fevers and pain the last few days (more than my usual), but frankly if I let that stop me I'll never go because I have pain and fevers pretty much every day. I want to go at least three times this week; my week starts on Saturday because that's how our payroll works. Anyway, this morning I had a protein-fruit smoothie and went to the gym. Hooray for me! I am finding I have to work harder on the treadmill to get my heart-rate up. When I started at the gym in February the damn treadmill kept slowing itself down because it thought I was going to have a heart attack when my heart-rate went above 150. Now I'm going faster than before with a heart-rate in the high 130's-low 140's. I still can't run on that thing; I'll fall on my ass.

Bear Lake

We're spending our weekend at Bear Lake (UT). We call it our weekend but it's actually Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. Those are Mike's regular days off. My days off vary because I negotiate with my co-workers and we have to have 24/7 coverage. We belong to a campground association called Camperworld. There are 10 campgrounds in Utah that we can use, one of them is at Bear Lake. I put the link there because we forgot to bring our friggen camera. The lake here is the most beautiful blue. The blue is because of limestone in the water. It looks as if the lake has been dyed aqua. I'm a bit bummed that we forgot our camera because it's so beautiful here. But we'll be back again.

We went to museum in Montpelier (ID) today. It was about the Oregon Trail. It was different than your standard pioneer museum in that they did kind of a vignette where they pretended we were families going on the trail. It was hokey as hell but Mike liked it. I think it would be fun to take grade school kids.

Can't take the girl out of the desert

I'm melting. We have a swamp cooler instead of air conditioning. For those of you unfamiliar with the desert, a swamp cooler is a large box on our roof with a big fan and a little teeny copper pipe that drips water into the filter. It usually cools the house by up to 20 degrees because our usual humidity is about 10-15%. This last week we've had lots of thunderstorms and the humidity is 73% this morning. I did not sleep at all last night except the time I was dreaming that I was at a truck stop with no clothes...another story altogether. If I wanted to live with this kind of humidity I'd move to Texas.

Drive-in Movies

Last night Mike and I went to the drive-in to see Harry Potter. It was a double feature. The first movie was No Reservations. It was a cute movie. I've always liked Cathryn Zeta-Jones. That little girl who was also in Little Miss Sunshine is a damned good little actress. At intermission, the line to the bathroom was way too long to even bother. I held it for the entire Harry Potter movie. I was watching humanity in various form while standing in the popcorn line. There is a whole different class of people at the drive-in. One woman was wearing a long ratty peasant skirt and ugly velvet tunic. She may have washed her hair but not recently. People don't bother to dress like they might go outside when they go to the drive-in. Drive-in theaters seem to bring out the trailer trash in all of us. I kind of like that; gives me something to think about while waiting in line for the bathroom.

Back to work we go

This week at work was not bad at all. Utah has a state holiday on the 24th of July called Pioneer Day. It is a bigger deal than the 4th of July because the local Mormons are more proud of their heritage than their country's. The hospital census was below 80% the whole week which isn't good for the budget but my job was a heck of a lot easier. I was able to fill almost all of the staffing needs all three of my shifts. I was bored out of my everlovin' mind.

I damn near talked myself into going to the gym today. Thank God I took a nap instead.

Kill the Wabbit, Kill the Wabbit....

The dogs are enjoying the RV park. They have been surprisingly well behaved. Trigger has only barked once and that kind of slipped out. He was trying to hold it in. But he was just feeling so exuberant and happy that he felt the need to share. This morning when I awoke, Mike was out at the picnic table talking. I assumed he had struck up a conversation with some of the other campers, but no; he was watching a rabbit and telling our vicious dogs to "kill the wabbit" (Picture Elmer Fudd singing Wagner) The dogs, however, were cowering under the picnic table. I don't blame them, wabbits can be vewy scawy.

Thoughts

I've been putting up with some kind of bad-assed shoulder pain the last 10 days (but who's counting). I've decided to try and take scheduled flexeril (knocks me on my ass) and ibuprofen to see if I can kick this thing because what I've been doing sure isn't making it go away. Notice I don't write "suffering from" shoulder pain. I hate the term "suffer from" Do you suffer from diabetes? No I fucking have diabetes but I'm not suffering. Suffering is poverty, rape, genocide, rolling your car and losing your spouse. I have and do see suffering in my job every day and what I have ain't it. I have a condition that is forcing me to give up cookies and orange juice. I'm not suffering by a long shot.

Mike and I are running off with our trailer tomorrow; today if Mike gets off early enough. The boys are out of town with their father, so we've decided to run away. But since the boys aren't home, we have to take the dogs with us. This should be an interesting trip since Trigger has a bark that can split eardrums.

Ever played the piano under the influence?

I've done something to that little muscle under my left shoulder blade. The damn thing has been hurting for almost two weeks. It does feel better for about the first four hours after I take mega-dose ibuprofen but at this dosage, I can only take it every eight hours. I happened to go to the doctor for my quarterly your too fat, your cholesterol is too high check up and told my doctor about the shoulder thing. She gave me low dose flexeril. Thank God it is low dose because that stuff knocks me on my ass. I was trying to play the piano for the first time in months when I discovered that I lose my place in the music and can't see quite as well after taking flexeril; curious, might have to experiment with this phenomena. There will be a later post about housework wherein I point out that the piano is so dusty that I don't like to play it but heaven forbid I dust or vacuum. Anyway, I'm not sure if the flexeril is really working but it sure makes me cross-eyed.

In sickness and in unhealth

I couldn't think of anything to write about so I decided this is the post where I get to whine......a lot. In addition to being fat which is mostly my fault, I have a variety of pain in the ass chronic illnesses. I say being fat is mostly my fault because I have Polycystic Ovaries (PCOS) which is associated with obesity because the testosterone to estrogen ratio is out of whack (obscure medical term). However, I'm pretty sure the Ding Dongs I used to eat in the closet had a lot to do with the size of my ass. PCOS also causes infertility but I was lucky enough to have two boys through the wonders of modern medicine. Can I just say that having sex when your ovaries have been forced by medication to spit out an egg is not the first thing on my list? Anyway, I also have a mild form of Common Variable Immune Deficiency (CVID). I say mild because when I researched CVID, I discovered my IgG levels nor my infections were not nearly as bad as the people on the internet. Besides, as my doctors will tell you, I like to minimize my illnesses so I don't spend my entire life in bed feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for yourself is non-productive and brings in almost no income; not to mention people start to avoid you like the plague if you start telling people your temperature every day. I have had three sinus surgeries and two PICC (long-term IV catheters) for antibiotics. I also received infusions of immune globulin (IViG) one winter until the insurance company agreed with my diagnosis of she's-not-sick-enough-for-this-expensive-shit and refused to pay for any more. Long story short, I have chronic daily fevers and sinus pain that varies from background noise to just fucking shoot me now.

Fast forward to this week. The fevers have been higher than normal which means I probably have something acute as opposed to my usual chronic fevers. Usually I can tasted (yuk) when my sinuses are infected but not this time so I don't know what the hell is wrong. The pain has been no worse than usual except I'm pretty sure I had an ovarian cyst this morning that made me wonder if I was going to be able to get out of the shower (thankfully, that pain only lasted about an hour). It was all I could do to stay upright at work today but I made it. If I can just make it through two more days, I get six off to rest.

Traveling on my employer's dime

Monday and Tuesday I flew with a group from my hospital to preview a software product we may (probably) purchase which will improve patient flow (admissions and discharges) as well as improve our efficiency in about a billion ways. We went to a hospital that has been using the software for a few years to see how it is used outside of demo mode. It was nice hospital with basically all of the same patient flow issues we have but definitely more efficient than we are in major part due to the software program they are using. That was the business side of things.

The nice part was staying in the Renaissance Club Sport Hotel (Marriott). That is not a hotel I would be paying for if I were traveling on my own dime, heck I'd have been in my trailer. I love the showers in Marriott hotels. I felt guilty when I stepped under the dual head shower and was sprayed by so much nice hot water because I'm from the desert. But I quickly got over the guilt and enjoyed the luxury. The software company's CEO payed for all of our meals except breakfast. I drank more wine with dinner than I usually do in a month. It was lovely not to worry about budget when ordering a meal.

The flights were OK. Going out we flew on Delta and our return was with Skywest through Delta. That plane was a bit small for me and the turbulence made me nervous. I know now why Delta is having money problems. Their customer service is attrocious. When I checked into the electronic kiosc to get my ticket, the machine asked if I wanted to change to an earlier flight "at no cost". Well I was tired and anxious to get home so of course I clicked yes. Everyone in our party who used the kiosk got the same offer but those who went to the counter had to pay $25 to change their flight so they complaigned (rightfully so). One of our party who got her boarding pass at the kiosk did not get a seat assignment, so she went to the gate attendant to obtain one. The gate attendant told her that she was on the list of people who had not paid for the flight change and that she and the rest of us would have to pay the $25. It was not like the computer kiosk accidentally forgot to charge us, the words "at no charge" appeared twice on the screen. After much arguing and obtaining their customer service number she paid the $25 so she could fly home with the rest of us. It was about 3:30 P.M. Pacific Time when she called the customer service line and got a recording that stated that their customer service office was only open until 5:30 Eastern Time and to call back. Great service!! I quietly waited for our boarding time all the while wondering if I was going to be forced to pay. But when the time came the gate attendant was busy as all hell and just sent us all through. I'm pretty sure it would have delayed to plane to have about five of us arguing with her. Great service that Delta. It felt like we were a bunch of cattle.

Boy I'm glad to be home.

Camping in Wyoming

I'm sure purists among you would not call what we do camping but I've been there done that took my morning bath with river water after hiking several miles to camp. Now we camp with a trailer with a kitchen, bathroom, TV and with any luck...internet access. So we couldn't access the internet, we still had fun and were away from camp tooling around Yellowstone or Teton National Park most of the time. We spent four days at the Star Valley Ranch RV park. The sites were shady and level but there was no grass. It is a huge RV park with a swimming pool, tennis courts and golf course; none of which we used. We had a nice time. Yellowstone and Teton were beautiful. We saw mostly Bison but at the end of the day when photography was impossible we saw herds and herds of Elk. Mike has a waterfall fetish so we went to the Upper and Lower Falls of the Yellowstone. The hike down to the lower falls was a bitch especially the hike out but we made it. We were shocked to discover that we were not sore from our hiking the next day. Now we've no excuses not to hike more because if we can do that without orthopedic consequences then we should be able to do more.

Fourth of July

Well, to start the day we had four traumas by noon. One died, one is paralyzed from the waist down (hopefully not permanent), one broke two legs and an arm or two arms and a leg (I can't remember), and one trauma patient's head was cracked open like an egg (don't know if he'll live or not). As I was leaving, the first traumas of the evening were starting. We get them in the morning and evening as people travel. The mid-day traumas are usually idiots on ATVs, motocross, jet skis, etc.

Can I just bitch a little? I swear when I was a floor nurse who only worked in one unit, I still cared about the other patients in the hospital and would float a nurse to another unit if necessary. I did not like to float, but I understood it. Tonight, I got all of this crap about not having to float because it is a holiday and the other units should have staffed appropriately. They did staff appropriately but sometimes there are unplanned things like census higher than normal or a nurse barfing her guts out. I just get tired of hearing all of the "we aren't taking this patient" or "we don't want to help that floor" or "those guys always do this or that". The word "always" is one of my least favorite. Nothing is ever "always"; it can be most of the time or sometime but "always" is too concrete and rarely if ever occurs. I don't want anyone who reads this to think poorly of nurses. Most of them love their jobs, are very compassionate, incredibly smart, contentious, and hard working. But the whiny ones I could do without.

I can hear the neighbor's fireworks outside. Trigger has crawled under Mike's chair to be protected from the scary noises.

Be Safe

July 4th is tomorrow and I am working. I will be finding beds and nursing staff for all the traumas we expect to receive this holiday. We're starting out already with a young trauma patient from a motor vehicle accident that is not expected to live. As much as I like having my shifts go by quickly, I can do without young people burning themselves, losing limbs, paralyzing themselves or dying while behaving as if they are invincible. Take it from me, no one is invincible. I am almost positive there will be people injured while riding ATV's, dirt bikes, motorcycles, driving cars, lighting fireworks, etc. Even worse will be those injured by drunks doing all of those things. Have a safe 4th of July.....

The Gym

I've lost about 25 pounds since January. That's not exactly a great accomplishment. I've done it before. The 25 pound mark is usually where I get stuck, give up and any number of excuses. This time is the first time I've joined a gym, however. I'm paying monthly for the membership so by God I'm going to go at least once a week. I know, I know...its supposed to be at least three times per week. And that is my ultimate goal but I cannot or will not go on the days that I leave for work at 6 A.M. and get home at 8 P.M. So that leaves three days a week out. Work is a good excuse for not going to the gym, I'm still working on my other excuses. Mike and I are going camping up near Jackson Hole for four days. So I only have today to go to the gym. Its taken me about four hours to get dressed to go to the gym. As soon as Crossing Jordan is over I am going if I have to kick myself in the ass to get me there!

Grandpa's Birthday

Thursday was my Grandpa's 95th birthday. We drove all the way to Idaho for the big celebration. There was lemonade and carrot cake. It was a wild time. I was waiting for the old guy to get nekkid and dance on the table but that was his behavior in 1930. I think he's grown out of it by now. There were cousins, aunts, uncles, great-uncles, etc. that I haven't seen in decades. I vaguely remember playing kick the can with some of the middle-aged people in the room. Grandpa's a cute old guy. His girl-friend who is one year younger than him got tired and had to go home early. All of Grandpa's golfing buddies have died off on him so he's recruiting younger partners; say someone in his mid-70's.

Perspective

Tomorrow I'm taking the boys and our trailer up to Idaho to visit family and celebrate my grandfather's 95th birthday. I love the hell out of the old guy. He's pretty cool; all 5 feet of him. But I had been kind of thinking how I was not sure I wanted to go because my husband Mike can't come and the boys might be bored, hell I might be bored. How exciting can a birthday party for a 95 year-old man at a Mormon church be? The variety and types of desserts made with Jello might be interesting. However, after the last three days at work I can hardly wait to go so I can relax with no cares in the world.

Did I mention I am a hospital supervisor? Well one of my shifts was interupted by the call of a disaster alert because a gunman was loose in the city after killing a corrections officer. I got stuck between floors in the flipping elevator; thank God I had my cell phone so I could play video games until I was rescued!! A lot of my job involves making sure there are enough beds for all of the scheduled and emergency admissions every day. We are over 90% full most of the time so it can be a very trying endeavor. Many times even though I know it will be make my job more difficult I say yes to accepting a transfer because I know the patient needs the care only we can provide. Days like the last two days makes me call out for alcohol as I crawl up the stairs when I get home.

Boy am I looking forward to being bored!

Is it bad to Febreeze the dog???

I don't know what got into me. I partially cleaned the house yesterday. Now, if I fully cleaned the house my family would wonder if I've gone off my meds but luckily I paced myself. I had vacuumed our bedroom with my handy dandy Dyson with the clear dog hair holder(AKA dust bin). I like that see through compartment; that way I can see if I've sucked up an entire dog. This process usually makes the dogs pull themselves up from their lounging position and escape the room in case the vacuum turns into an alien and sucks up their mother. I do wonder what they think that loud thing is that is attached to mommy, but that is for another day. After I vacuum, I like to spray the carpet with Febreeze to get the hound dog smell out of the room. Trigger picked that moment to wander back in and well.....I couldn't help it, he is the source of most of the smell. What the heck, I sprayed his back. Trigger reacted the way does to most things, he just stood there like someone's idea of an abstract dog statue. He probably won't smell good for long.

This blogging thing is a chore!

I've had lots of ideas of things to write about these last few days but I am the master procrastinator. There are other things I'd prefer to master but I guess this is my calling.

I attended an 8-hour leadership workshop last week. It was all about dealing with people based upon their personality color; not to be confused with their race. A red is usually a leader and/or an asshole. A blue is a caretaker, nurturer (read doormat). A white is a peacemaker who rarely shows his/her feelings (stiff?). A yellow is a people person; life's a party and he/she is the host (slacker). I come up as about 60% red and 40% blue. Now why do I feel the need to point out that I am also blue?....because I'm not a completely bossy bitch, just partially.

Nursing Shortage

It's taken a while for the nursing shortage to truly hit Utah with full force but I think it's here now. We always lose nurses in the Spring; people graduate and move to other areas, vacations, etc. But I swear this year we are lower on nurses than last year. I am a hospital supervisor. Part of my job is to obtain and distribute nursing staff to replace ill calls or help with high census. It is getting so much harder to obtain staff than previous years. I was talking to a hospital supervisor across town and she reports their hospital is having more difficulty getting staff also. I know people complain about the money, but we get paid pretty well; more will always attract more staff but I think the real problem is there just is not any out there to attract. Every day, I ask nurses to do things I think they should and could do but lately I've been asking them to work too hard not just the occasional night but every night because there are just not enough nurses in the pool. We need more nursing schools and more nursing instructors. We're getting too old as a profession. I love nursing. We need more people that love it. Nursing is not what I do; it is what I am......

Medical update

Well, the Trigginator had a foxtail burrowed up in the flesh between his toes. He had to have minor surgery to get it out. He's pretty sure this is terminal and can't quite figure out how to get down the one step to the back yard. I must admit that he was pretty funny before the anesthesia completely wore off. He kept biffing his face onto the floor, then would look at me like he couldn't understand how he got there.

Trigginator

Our basset hound's name is Trigger, but sometimes I call him "The Trigginator". I don't know what possessed me to call him that because he's actually a giant woos, wimp, drama Queen...you get the drift. I came home from work last night to find him limping on his front foot. He has some kind of cyst between his toes. I think he's pretty sure it is life threatening. He's definitely not his old always underfoot self. We've got an appointment with the vet this afternoon. I can hardly wait to begin the ordeal of getting him in our Expedition.

How to impress girls of all ages

The other day I came home from work to find the sectional sofa moved into the middle of the living room and evidence of dusting, vaccuming, and mopping. My first thought was that perhaps we'd been hit by very tidy burglars but then I disovered nothing missing but dog hair. I found my son Jeffrey watchng TV in my bedroom and asked him what brought on the cleaning frenzy. He wants to bring his girlfriend to our home. Man I am ever impressed!

Mammogram

Several weeks ago I had dream in which I had a breast biopsy on one breast and a mastectomy on the other. It was an incredibly realistic dream. I should tell you that I have had dreams that have come true before. I dreamed I was married to my first husband when I barely knew him. If I remember correctly, my exact thought upon waking was "why would I marry him; he's an asshole". Anyway, I was a bit disturbed by the dream but was scheduled for my mammogram and didn't worry too much any more. About a week after the mammogram, I got a call that they needed to ultrasound and abnormality in my left breast. Well now I'm scared but trying not to be scared. I went back for the ultrasound today. You know that fad about "The Secret"? Well, I kind of believe in part of it; the part about positive energy bringing positive things. But I believe you have to work for it, that you can't just wish to be rich and healthy. Anyway, I was trying to think positive while she had that wand on my breast and told me that last year I had one cyst but now there is a second possible cyst but we can't be sure without ultrasound. Part of me was mentally chanting the positivity mantra while another more negative voice just knew my veins weren't good enough for chemo. Thank God the positive side won and it was just another cyst.

First Blog

I hope I get better at this blogging thing as I go along. I have a hard enough time keeping up with my diary which is supposed to somehow give me mental stability. At least "they" say keeping a diary is good for you. It feels like a chore somehow. Mike and I took the dogs down to the river for a walk today. When we sat to rest, Trigger, our Basset Hound, shook his big head and threw slime all over us. Scout, our Beagle, decided the bridge over the river was designed to kill him, tucked tail and had to be pulled over the bridge. What the hell, it's exercise; another thing that is supposed to be good for me.