No more nude hiking in Switzerland

Bummer. I just saw an article in which nude hiking has been banned in Switzerland. There goes my chance to get road rash on my ass sliding down the alps.

Another thing you shouldn't do while driving...

A discovery while driving down the freeway. Even if you use kleenix, you shouldn't try to blow your nose and drive. You get snot all over your glasses.

What happens in Vegas....

Mike and I vacationed last week in Pahrump, Nevada which is about 60 miles from Las Vegas. We belong to a campground organization which has an RV park in Pahrump so we stayed the entire week for about $60. It was a very nice RV park. We wanted to go some place warm enough to sit under the awning on our Christmas presents (reclining chairs). Plus we hadn't been to Vegas in about 5 years and wanted to see if it was still there. We discovered we are too old and orthopedically challenged to spend too much time in Sin City. After two days wandering around the strip we stayed in Pahrump under the awning eating Advil.

Mike was fascinated by all the Adult Megastores. He said he'd never seen a porn shop the size of Walmart. I kind of like the idea of a Walporn. Do you think it would do well in Utah?

Vacation

I have been on vacation since December 24th and haven't gotten anything I planned completed. I wanted to clean out our office, clean out the pantry, the refrigerator. What exactly is frig and why would one re-frigerate something. Was it already frigged? Anyway, I spent the first three days in a painful fog, but I have been doing a little extra housework each day since then. Yesterday, I spent four hours playing Zelda on the Wii (I always did love that game). I am almost 47 years old, still playing video games; it's supposed to keep my brain young I think. The vacation officially lasts until next Wednesday but after today, there will be no more housework catch-up. We are leaving tomorrow to visit grandpa. I can't wait. He is the cutest little old guy who has personally seen so much history. I want to get a picture of him this visit to put in my new picture frame.

The Analytical Mind

There have been a series of storms this week which means I have spent more time than I like in bed with either an ice bag on my head or heat; whichever seems to feel best at the time. I tried to take fewer meds this morning so I could finish my paper which was a mistake. After being slammed upside the head with the Full Monty of Pain (tremors, weakness, nausea, bone pain), I was lying in bed analyzing the symptoms. Some of the thoughts going through my head, "how can I feel so weak while laying flat on my back?" "I wonder how I can feel internally shaky but not be moving" "Maybe the bones in my face will eventually just fall away from whatever is causing this". OK, there were drugs involved. I'm pretty sure my face isn't going to fall away. But sometimes I wonder if there isn't something wrong that we can't find like a bone infection in my face. Nothing should hurt this bad this often without some kind of Xray evidence, right? Wrong.

Double take

I swear I saw Little Richard crossing the street in the pouring rain carrying a bottle of wiper fluid. I was sitting at a stoplight when a man dressed in a black suit with the collar turned up walked across the street carrying a bottle of windshield washer fluid. He looked just like Little Richard. Things that make you go hmmmmm.....

Vindified

I am always getting my words mixed up. I think my brain goes faster than my tongue. That's my theory anyway. My son's favorite was when I said we needed to buy a "show snovel" (you figure it out).

I may have to marry the person who invented Lyrica. Lyrica is the new drug I started last week. It is for nerve pain. It is a miracle. I am not without pain. My goal isn't that high. I am just not psychotically in pain or sitting at my desk with an ice bag on my head. My usage of pain pills has gone down by 2/3. I did not know it was nerve pain. I just knew it really fucking hurt. Hell, no wonder it was so bad. Nerve pain can be a bitch. I now have proof that it wasn't all in my head, that my pain is real. I told my husband the other day that I feel vindified (vindicated + justified).

Learning to be a lady

Mike and I have been married five years now. Mike is an old-fashioned Texas boy who believes in opening doors for ladies and treating me like someone special. We have a standing joke because I just have not got this waiting for him to open the door thing down. It's complicated. You have to stand in the right place so he can get to the door. We're always running into each other because I was never treated like a lady in my first marriage, so I don't know how to act. The other day, I was watching The Bird Cage when I had an epiphany. Robin Williams and Nathan Lane were walking into a building when without thought or planning, Robin opened the door for Nathan who was standing exactly on the correct side of the door. Eureka! I got it. All it took for me to know how to be treated like a lady was to watch a movie featuring two gay characters.

Can't take the girl out of the desert

I'm melting. We have a swamp cooler instead of air conditioning. For those of you unfamiliar with the desert, a swamp cooler is a large box on our roof with a big fan and a little teeny copper pipe that drips water into the filter. It usually cools the house by up to 20 degrees because our usual humidity is about 10-15%. This last week we've had lots of thunderstorms and the humidity is 73% this morning. I did not sleep at all last night except the time I was dreaming that I was at a truck stop with no clothes...another story altogether. If I wanted to live with this kind of humidity I'd move to Texas.

Drive-in Movies

Last night Mike and I went to the drive-in to see Harry Potter. It was a double feature. The first movie was No Reservations. It was a cute movie. I've always liked Cathryn Zeta-Jones. That little girl who was also in Little Miss Sunshine is a damned good little actress. At intermission, the line to the bathroom was way too long to even bother. I held it for the entire Harry Potter movie. I was watching humanity in various form while standing in the popcorn line. There is a whole different class of people at the drive-in. One woman was wearing a long ratty peasant skirt and ugly velvet tunic. She may have washed her hair but not recently. People don't bother to dress like they might go outside when they go to the drive-in. Drive-in theaters seem to bring out the trailer trash in all of us. I kind of like that; gives me something to think about while waiting in line for the bathroom.

Thoughts

I've been putting up with some kind of bad-assed shoulder pain the last 10 days (but who's counting). I've decided to try and take scheduled flexeril (knocks me on my ass) and ibuprofen to see if I can kick this thing because what I've been doing sure isn't making it go away. Notice I don't write "suffering from" shoulder pain. I hate the term "suffer from" Do you suffer from diabetes? No I fucking have diabetes but I'm not suffering. Suffering is poverty, rape, genocide, rolling your car and losing your spouse. I have and do see suffering in my job every day and what I have ain't it. I have a condition that is forcing me to give up cookies and orange juice. I'm not suffering by a long shot.

Mike and I are running off with our trailer tomorrow; today if Mike gets off early enough. The boys are out of town with their father, so we've decided to run away. But since the boys aren't home, we have to take the dogs with us. This should be an interesting trip since Trigger has a bark that can split eardrums.

Ever played the piano under the influence?

I've done something to that little muscle under my left shoulder blade. The damn thing has been hurting for almost two weeks. It does feel better for about the first four hours after I take mega-dose ibuprofen but at this dosage, I can only take it every eight hours. I happened to go to the doctor for my quarterly your too fat, your cholesterol is too high check up and told my doctor about the shoulder thing. She gave me low dose flexeril. Thank God it is low dose because that stuff knocks me on my ass. I was trying to play the piano for the first time in months when I discovered that I lose my place in the music and can't see quite as well after taking flexeril; curious, might have to experiment with this phenomena. There will be a later post about housework wherein I point out that the piano is so dusty that I don't like to play it but heaven forbid I dust or vacuum. Anyway, I'm not sure if the flexeril is really working but it sure makes me cross-eyed.

Be Safe

July 4th is tomorrow and I am working. I will be finding beds and nursing staff for all the traumas we expect to receive this holiday. We're starting out already with a young trauma patient from a motor vehicle accident that is not expected to live. As much as I like having my shifts go by quickly, I can do without young people burning themselves, losing limbs, paralyzing themselves or dying while behaving as if they are invincible. Take it from me, no one is invincible. I am almost positive there will be people injured while riding ATV's, dirt bikes, motorcycles, driving cars, lighting fireworks, etc. Even worse will be those injured by drunks doing all of those things. Have a safe 4th of July.....