Idiot (or don't try this at home)

So, I did a stupid thing and let my Cymbalta run out. I finally got more yesterday after 8 days of going without. I thought I'd end up in a depressed ball on the bed and that I would have rebound pain as Cymbalta treats nerve pain. No real depression except I perseverate about stupid shit like what someone said at a meeting. However, the pain rebounded back big time last night. One minute I can feel the pain coming on and took a Lortab & Phenergan; before the drugs had a chance to take effect, I was dry heaving into the toilet. Dry heaves because after the Nissen I cannot physically throw up. I found a Phenergan suppository which should take effect faster than pills, then went back to bed and hoped it would work really fast. I think I was hyperventilating, I know I was begging it to stop. Poor Mike, he felt so helpless. Then the poor man has to go to the bathroom, with his book and glasses if you know what I mean. He's sitting in there when the nausea slams me on my ass again and I'm dry heaving into the bathroom sink. The rest of the night was OK and I slept about 12 hours.

It happened again this morning except I didn't dry heave. I felt it coming, took some drugs and rode through the waves of pain and nausea. I have been out of bed for a few hours now and while I am hurting worse than usual, I can stay upright without feeling nauseated. Boy, I will never let my Cymbalta run out again. And I am supposed to be this smart nurse who should know better.

Vindified

I am always getting my words mixed up. I think my brain goes faster than my tongue. That's my theory anyway. My son's favorite was when I said we needed to buy a "show snovel" (you figure it out).

I may have to marry the person who invented Lyrica. Lyrica is the new drug I started last week. It is for nerve pain. It is a miracle. I am not without pain. My goal isn't that high. I am just not psychotically in pain or sitting at my desk with an ice bag on my head. My usage of pain pills has gone down by 2/3. I did not know it was nerve pain. I just knew it really fucking hurt. Hell, no wonder it was so bad. Nerve pain can be a bitch. I now have proof that it wasn't all in my head, that my pain is real. I told my husband the other day that I feel vindified (vindicated + justified).

Pain as a living thing

The last two weeks, the pain has been immense, amazing, paralyzing, fucking awful. My nose, teeth, cheeks, and skull hurt so bad that my thighs shake, my heart pounds, I sweat, want to throw up something awful, and feel like running away (like that will help, it will just follow me) or at least laying down under my desk. When it happens at work, the level of panic and things that go running through my head such as how the hell would I make it home even if I could get someone to come to cover for me. I think of calling Mike and having him come get me, but in the end I take a Lortab and maybe a sliver of Phenergan for the nausea and sit at my desk with an ice bag on my head until I can function again.

I'm in the middle of six days off. I saw my doctor on Thursday. She have me a new drug that is sometimes used for nerve pain. I'm supposed to take it three times a day. The first time I took it, I was dizzy and kind of loopy. I want to give the drug a good shot because I cannot work like this but I must work. The drug is called Lyrica. Isn't that a happy name? It sounds lovely. It doesn't make me loopy any more but when I go to bed at night I'm down for 12 hours. I'd rather not sleep for 12 hours so I hope that side effect goes away.

So I'm trying this medication on my mini-vacation. I wanted to shampoo the carpets and wash the dogs. But I'm doing school work (such a good student), laying down...washing dishes....laying down....vacuuming my bedroom....laying down. I am going to clean this frigging (frig just for you Mom) house this week. We are going on vacation in two weeks and I want the house clean first.